My Varus led me at leisure
from the forum to see his girlfriend
little whore, as it was them seen by me immediately
she is not very uncharming neither is she unattractive.
As we came there, several conversations fell
upon us: among which what now
Bithynia was; how it was holding itself;
and with what money had it profited me.
I responded that which was none, neither for the natives of Bithynia
nor for their governers not for their staff,
with which anyone could have a more richly combed head of hair
especially when those whose governer was a shithead
who also didn't value his staff worth a hair
"But certainly however" they said "that which is said
is the custom there to be born, you obtained
men for a litter" I, like one lucky fellow
in the eyes of the girl said
"It was not so bad for me,
although, a bad province fell to me,
that I was not able to prepare 8 strong men."
But for me no one was in the place nor there,
who could put the broken legs of an old cot
on his neck.
At this point, as it was appropriate for the shameless one,
"I ask you please" she said "for me, my Catullus for a little while
lend me those litter bearers, for I wish
for them to carry me to the temple of Serapis.
"Wait," I say to the girl,
"what which I had said good judgement
must have escaped me
Cinna Gaius prepared it - but whether
the litter bearers belong to me or to you?
Use as well as if I had prepared them for myself.
But you without salt are bad and bothersome,
through that it is not permitted to be careless!"

Varus me meus ad suos amores
visum duxerat e foro otiosum,
scortillum, ut mihi tum repente visum est,
non sane illepidum neque invenustum.
Huc ut venimus, incidere nobis
sermones varii: in quibus, quid esset
iam Bithynia; quo modo se haberet;
et quonam mihi profuisset aere.
Respondi id quod erat, nihil neque ipsis
nec praetoribus esse nec cohorti,
cur quisquam caput unctius referret,
praesertim quibus esset irrumator
praetor, nec faceret pili cohortem.
"At certe tamen" inquit "quod illic
natum dicitur esse, comparasti
ad lecticam homines." Ego, ut puellae
unum me facerem beatiorem,
"non" inquam "mihi tam fuit maligne,
ut, provincia quod mala incidisset,
non possem octo homines parare rectos."
At mi nullus erat nec hic neque illic,
fractum qui veteris pedem grabati
in collo sibi collocare posset.
Hic illa, ut decuit cinae diorem,
"quaeso" inquit "mihi, mi Catulle, paulum
istos commoda, nam volo ad Serapim
deferri." "Mane," inquii puellae,
"istud quod modo dixeram me habere,
fugit me ratio: meus sodalis
Cinna est Gaius - is sibi paravit;
verum utrum illius an mei, quid ad me?
Utor tam bene quam mihi pararim.
Sed tu insulsa male et molesta vivis,
per quam non licet esse neglegentem!"